I love Joan Crawford. She was insane, driven, had the same initials as Jesus and hated wire hangers. She also used to get her make up artists to exaggerate only one side of her face, literally making an eyebrow, eye and lip on one side bigger since she believed this made for better photographs. I think she understood that a bit of strange vulgarity is often very hard to look away from. But then again she was also devastatingly vain.
Anyway, here's some quotes from the classic film based on the autobiography written by JC's adopted daughter Christina, Mommie Dearest. If you've never seen this movie or read the book, your life is not yet complete. It's a core text on the camp trash reader. It's shouting, spilled drinks, being buzzed on dolls, violent tantrums, tears and overacting all rolled into one.
Christina: There's a liquor store to the right.
Joan Crawford: I should've know you'd know where to find the boys and the booze.
Joan Crawford: Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo
Joan Crawford: Helga, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the dirt.
Joan Crawford: Tear down that BITCH of a bearing wall and put a window where it OUGHT to be.
You tell 'em Joan.
I'd love to get a hold of Joan's deranged 1971 guide to entertaining and "gracious living" entitled "My Way of Life", which includes such gems as: "attempt six impossible things before breakfast", "if your husband gets moody, you get brighter!", a list of things a woman cannot live without... chiffon, 3 way mirrors... it even includes her prized meatloaf recipe. Wow.
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